Please turn to song 36: World - Five for Fighting
I recently had a conversation with my sister-in-law about what "home" was. She asked me if going to Vegas made me feel like I was going back home. In fact, no, it does not. I no longer have the desire to go back to Vegas ever in my life to live there again, but rather, only to visit. Yes, it is a fabulous place to raise a family; if you think I'm weird for saying that, I have good reasoning for it. I would much rather raise a family in Vegas than in Utah for many reasons. Those reasons I shall not state because that is a different subject...and I'm digressing, as usual. Back on track: When I go to Vegas, it feels more like I'm visiting, because I am. I feel comfortable there because I know my way around, so I guess it's a home away from home; like visiting your grandma's or relative's home.
Even going home is and is not like going home for me. Home as in Utah. It's home because that's where I currently live and it's where my parents reside, but it's not home because it is not my own. I have my room, but then again, it's not mine. Everything used, for the most part, is owned my by my parents. I feel like I'm just "here." I leave and go as I please, relatively speaking, and I can do as I please. But alas, there is still something different.
The place I feel/felt most at home, ironically, is the place I will never, hopefully, live again. When I drive there, my heart gets going, a huge smile comes to my face - almost to the point of my eyes watering, and I can't wait to just be there. This loverly little place is where I spent the past 5+ years of my life. Rexburg. The place I thought I would never miss when I left.
I think the reason I love that little town so much is because that is where I grew the most in life. That's where I grew to be my own. There I was able to lose my old self and find the new, or lost self. Rexburg is the place I found my best friends and the ones I will have for eternity. I was able to make a place of my own and claim something as mine. I was accountable for myself and I could do as I pleased. While away from home, I made my own home. I love it there. It's like my own piece of Heaven.
I hope everyone's home can be like a piece of heaven because that's what it should be.
Do you get what I mean? Does anyone share the same thoughts?
(Disclaimer: I just made it sound like my home in Utah is not a "piece of Heaven." It is. I love being there and I'm able to feel peace there. It's hard for me to explain in few words what I'm trying to say.)
5 comments:
I totally understand what you're saying. Whenever Dustin and I would drive back to Washington to see my family it would feel like home when we were driving down all the familiar streets, but the actual house doesn't feel like home to me. I'm not sure if it's because my parents moved when I was 16, but it just doesn't feel like home anymore. Dustin and I have moved so much in our short 4 1/2 years worth of marriage that I don't feel like we have a home! That's why I love the temple, because no matter where we live, I get the same feeling and sense of belonging at every temple. The temple has become our home, since we don't have a place of our own yet.
And, I totally agree with you about Vegas! Out of all the places we've lived, the best ward we've ever been in was the Mountain Shadows Ward in the North LV Stake. We made some really great friends there. I even told DUstin that if he found a job there, I would love to move back.
I totally get what you are saying. I love Rexburg and whenever I go there I get all excited as well, and whenever I leave I feel like I'm leaving a huge chunk of me behind with it. But I don't think I could call it "home".
And what is weird is that I was born and raised in Nauvoo. I went to school for 5 years and came back to Nauvoo and it changed A LOT. I don't know anyone here anymore, the people I did know don't see me as "that cute little Nelson girl" anymore. The people who move in don't get to know me and I don't get to know them. Even the place I went to high school is no longer a high school. My parents are here and my sister and I are here but even it doesn't really feel that homeish to me. I don't know... I think I try to see Nauvoo like it was and THAT is my home, and every once in a while I get that feeling while I'm here.
Ok...that was long and blabbery and probably didn't make any sense!
I couldn't agree more about the temple, Rika. Although every temple is different (in its design), the feeling is exactly the same. It's the feeling that makes something a home, not the structure and the trinkets inside.
Tace, I got what you meant: The old Nauvoo was more your home while the new Nauvoo is more foreign. That's how it is when I go to Vegas. For the most part, a lot of things are the same, but when I drive around and see new things, I feel weird. It's like coming home and having all the furniture in your family room moved; it's different and will take some time to adjust to.
Oh home. I find myself confusing myself with that term. Aaron and I have finally made ourselves a little home her in Pensacola. We finally purchased our first pieces of furniture. More and more Florida is where I now call home. I never thought I would say that, but the roads of life take us to different locations.
Just last week I returned "home" to Seattle. I thought I classified Seatle as "home," but it really doesn't feel that way anymore. My parent's still live in the house that was my home since the age of 4. When I return to their house I sleep in the same room, but it is not mine. It no longer has pictures from high school and medals from the various sports. It is now a guest room. That is how I feel in that house ... a guest. It's weird, but not at the same time. Make sense? It is also weird because that is where so many of my friends from high school are. Most of those people I do not keep in contact with and would prefer to keep it that way. So as weird as it sounds, Seattle is not my home. Instead it is where I was raised. For now, Pensacola is my home (until the military moves us again).
As for Rexburg ... wow, never thought I would miss that place but I do! We talk about returning to visit, but I fear it would not have the same charm as it did for my college years. Rexburg is where I really became accountable for myself. It's where I had random late night dance parties with roommates, where I bought M&Ms and ice cream for my roommates when I held hands with or kissed a boy. So many wonderful memories!
Not to mention the couple of months at Badger Creek! Indeed I really started to grow-up after living there.
I guess it's all a weird and possibly complicated ocean of emotions, but I totally agree with your post.
(Oh, sorry for the lengthy post.)
Lydia! haha I read this post and the whole time knew what you were going to say because it is exactly what I would say! Holy goodness! Seriously, I feel the exact same way about Vegas. I just went there for the weekend after not being there for over a year. Talk about weird. I didn't like it. haha I asked my friend that was with me if we could turn around and go back home (Utah) once we were passing Mesquite haha but it was nice to be back and fun to know everything and where it is...I felt pretty cool! hehe! But leaving I wasn't sad at all...don't miss that place. Although it's tricky because it's where I grew up and met all the girls from the Cheyenne ward and the amazing Meadows Stake. I miss the Stake and the people there I grew up with and girls camp and the few blocks around my house. But that's really it.
And Rexburg! Yup...I love that place. I'm not sure I could call Rexburg my home ever, but I do feel at home there. I could see myself living somewhere in Idaho in my life, if not somewhere in Utah. And you put it so perfectly...it really is like a home because that's where I became me and really learned about myself and what I wanted and who I wanted and should be. I will always treasure and hold dear the experiences I had there and the people I met. It has changed my life.
And Utah. Really, I love this place. It's beautiful and just feels comfortable. One day I'll own a place of my own...a home, if I do say so myself...and I'll invite you over. For ice cream! :o)
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